A Promise Unfulfilled

As many of you know, we made plans to spend Thanksgiving in Colorado with Jenn’s family, but illness kept us from going. I then made a promise to Jenn, “we will see your family before the end of the year. I promise.” It was a bold thing to do, considering we were still very sick at the time, Christmas was coming, funds were low, weather was getting worse, etc.

But after Thanksgiving my parents had offered to take us to Colorado. When I knew Jenn’s family wasn’t going to make the trip here, like they had been hoping, I took my parents up on their offer. Being so close to Christmas, they may have regretted making such an offer, and probably weren’t thinking we would go before Christmas, but I had a promise to keep.

We made plans to leave on the 18th and be home on the 21st, because we had Ty & Cami coming over for dinner on the 22nd. Then the 18th came, as did a blizzard. We were beginning to have bad feelings about going. I received a small, but strong impression that we should not go. My mom did too. But we left it up to Jenn. We were all doing it for her, and my dad was confident in his vehicle and driving abilities to get us there safely. But Jenn decided that we shouldn’t try it.

As the storm faded in Utah, we all began to second-guess ourselves. We thought we could have made it. Then Jenn’s mom called and told us about the storm that hit Longmont. In the window of time that we would be arriving, there was an ice storm, and a record number of accidents... None of us know if that’s why we felt like we shouldn’t go, or if it was a test to see if we would listen to those promptings, or what. But we feel we did the right thing, as disappointing as it is.

And that’s where I’m left. I made a promise I cannot keep. Jenn keeps telling me that it was out of my control, it was not my fault, she made the choice, I am absolved of my promise, and she forgives me. But I’m having a very hard time forgiving myself. I want her to know that my promises mean something. That I am a man of my word. That she can count on me...

I’ve been desperately trying to keep my promise somehow. I held up the picture of her family that we have hanging on our wall and said, “look, you’re ‘seeing’ your family!” We had Ty & Cami over for dinner last night (which we’ll post about later), and Jenn said, “they’re my family, and we saw them.” And with an early Christmas gift from her parents, we are hoping to video chat with them, and “see” them that way... But I know that’s not what I meant when I made that promise.

At least we were able to go to Kaytlin and Taylor’s birthday parties, and go to our Christmas Sunday sacrament meeting, all of which we would have missed.

Looking back, we think, perhaps, we were being a little selfish. I was so focused on keeping a promise, and Jenn wanting to see her family, that we weren’t thinking about my parents, our nieces, or even our own safety. Or maybe I’m still just trying to make myself feel better.